What would Mary Poppins do?
“Basically it was on us to remember to get our work done.” This was an actual course evaluation response written by a University student who took my Life Fitness class. The response in my mind, after I laughed out loud, was “Yes. Exactly. It IS on you to remember to get your work done!” What makes the students comment even more flabbergasting was that not only did he have access to an online calendar with the due dates of each assignment clearly displayed, AND a detailed syllabus available to him, but all assignments were simply due every Monday. If it was Monday… then an assignment was due.
This student like many others I have come across feel it is not their responsibility to proactively take charge of their assignments. They want to be spoon-fed. In fact, I had one student in my biopsychology class get upset with me because I did not give the class a handout with a “word bank” (a list of words to study from) for a one-chapter test. Despite his normally chipper demeanor he was so put off he barely made an effort to study and resultantly he missed seeing that there was indeed a word bank at the end of the chapter already in the book. I couldn’t help but think of the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off when the Chez Quis Maitre ‘d from the restaurant scene said, “I weep for the future.”
Neither of these students understood the value of developing grit and striving for personal excellence. The first student was apathetic about taking charge of his life. He lay victim to the perception of his circumstance and was unable to take action. The second student was defiant viewing the situation as black or white casting a judgment that prevented him from doing what needed to be done to succeed in class. Both felt wounded by the situation and both put the responsibility for the appropriate outcomes outside of themselves. They lacked the sense of self worth and personal power that results from taking action and developing resiliency a key component in personal excellence.
Developing resiliency is a critical life skill that builds upon itself over time. If a person is constantly spoon-fed and coddled then their residency muscle will be weak. As the saying goes, tough times don’t last but tough people do! So how does one develop resiliency? The first step is connecting with the fact that you have control of your actions. It is you and only you who have the power and responsibility to create the life you want by choosing how you will respond to life’s circumstances.
There is power in understanding there are many options to any given situation and it is your responsibility to pick the action that will create the most positive outcome for yourself and those around you. A great way to develop this aspect of resiliency is to practice looking at a situation from many different vantage points. This is called Holographic Thinking. Practicing this kind of thinking enables a person to see multiple perspectives at once. We see the situation as a whole, as well as seeing the sum of its parts by incorporating intuition, emotional awareness, experience, knowledge and logic. This thinking yields the greatest chance for success.
I have a client who loves the movie Legally Blonde. The main character Elle Woods is a spunky blonde sorority queen who embodies fighting for what is right, staying true to your self, and defeating the odds. When my client gets stuck thinking in one way or doesn’t see she has options I ask, “What would Elle do?” and that immediately opens her mind up to other possibilities.
Who do you admire? When you get stuck thinking you don’t have options ask yourself what that person would do. This is a step towards Holographic Thinking. I often ask myself, “What would Mary Poppins do?”
The second step to developing resiliency is to fully recognize that part of living means experiencing all that life has to offer and correspondingly the full spectrum of emotions. Emotions are designed to help you process what is happening in your life. They are signals sent to help you navigate the road of life. For example it may be a green light of joy telling you to move forward, or a yellow light of indecision telling you to slow down, or a red light of pain telling you to stop and a take a moment to observe your surroundings. Just as a busy intersection without streetlights would be a disaster so to0 would life be without emotions.
Understanding the purpose of seemingly negative emotions decreases resistance to those emotions and builds resilience. Fear is a way to find out what you love and a means of self-protection. Anger stems from feeling that someone or something is somehow a threat to you, someone you love, or a threat to something you value. Guilt helps you decide who you want to be by directing you towards your better self. Sadness and grief help you keep things in perspective and reminds you of your vulnerability in this world. All of these emotions help you grow. Grow wiser, stronger and more resilient.
As my favorite character Elise from the movie First Wives Clubs says: “You think that because I’m a movie star I don’t have feelings. Well you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!”
Avoiding emotions or numbing yourself to them impedes adaptability. You build resiliency by embracing your emotions, feeling them, caring for them and moving on. Once you decide to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions and realize that you can work through your emotions then you will be able to adjust your sails in the eye of the storm.
Each time you exercise the muscle of resilience you become stronger and increase, not only your self-confidence, but your self- worth as well. You begin to find new ways to positively cope, forgive, tolerate, and compromise. You adjust your thoughts to dissipate resentment, stress, and disappointments in order to increase your own productivity, cooperation and success.
Over time you may even begin to see everything as an opportunity. You will not just make “lemonade out of lemons,” but you will genuinely be as excited by the things that do not go as planned as the things that do for you know you can handle what life throws at you.
So my assignment for you, if you chose to accept it, is to work at building your resiliency muscle. Take responsibility, take action, embrace your emotions, move forward and become the best version of yourself. Be the best student of life that you possibly can.
In the words of Rocky Balboa,
“…The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
A+ to you all!